Needs

Wikipedia states that basic needs are: "...food (including water), shelter, and clothing. Many modern lists emphasize the minimum level of consumption of 'basic needs' of not just food, water, and shelter, but also sanitation, education, and healthcare."

We arrive in this world instinctually needing to feed from our mother's breast. We also know, from years of research, that we thrive and flourish when we are touched by another human being, yet we decline and languish when we are not.

From infanthood we know how to ask for what we need -- without our words! In my humble opinion, it seems as though language would make it easier for us to ask for what we need in adulthood.

Attempting to grow closer to someone again, in an intimate relationship, has left me with this screwed-up look on my face, as I repeatedly ask myself, "Why didn't he just use his big-boy words?" (This then leads to endless nights of cake-baking and cake-eating. Alone.)

I am proud to say, though, without a doubt, that every moment, and every encounter, has taught me a new life-lesson! No regrets!

A gal should always be reminded how sexy she is, at 1:00 a.m., after her first round of anti-biotics, when she is rudely awakened, while dozing in her favorite loveseat, by a friend humping her leg. ("Why didn't he just tell me he liked me?")

I learned I am definitely not claustrophobic! I was willing to hide in a bedroom closet to avoid a run-in with an ex-wife. (Why didn't I use my big girl words, jump out of the closet, and proclaim, "Wow, you really should take care of the dust-bunnies in here!")

I did, however, stand by my proven talents, and expressed my need to run over a dude's Nina Hartley "proper felatio technique" DVD with my mini-van, if he didn't stop insisting I take it home and watch it.

These are three very valuable teachable moments, where we can see that if just one person in these three scenarios would have chosen to say, "I need _______" (you fill in the blank) the end result could have been vastly different.

Needs change and grow. People change and, hopefully, grow.

I need balance. (It's the Libra in me)

I need to feel connected, physically. (It's the child, woman, and vixen in me)

I need to be needed. (It's the care-taker in me)

I challenge you with yet another, simple excercise. If you are blessed with a significant other in your life, take sometime in the next 24 hours to ask for something you need. This may be a very backwards concept to you, but so often we start out by saying, "You don't take me out to eat anymore." or "You spend too much time cleaning every night." 'You' statements are toxic. The receiving party hearing the you statement often feels accused of something and immediately goes on the defensive.

Asking for what we need can sometimes feel uncomfortable because it exposes what is on the inside and leaves us vulnerable once the statement crosses our lips and lands in our partner's atmosphere. Take the leap on this one. The perceived risk is definitely worth the reward.

I'd love to hear your comments on any and all of these little excursions, if you are so inclined to share. (I need feedback.)

See? That didn't hurt at all.

Your significant other needs you. And you need them. I'd be willing to bet he/she also desires you. (Hey, there's an easy one, right here: "I desire you.") We should never want our partner to change to meet our needs, because time and life events will do enough of that for us.

We can, if we are open and aware, ask for what we need.

I need to call my boyfriend and say "Goodnight."